Returning to What You Love

by Lila on June 19, 2015

2015_05_24 (28 of 287)Until two nights ago, I hadn’t danced for more than two weeks. At least not in the way I’m accustomed to. I’ve been following doctor’s recommendations and living a more sedentary and mellow existence since knee surgery took place on June 1. This is not to say that I haven’t been moving my body. I’ve conducted symphonies with my hands and spun imaginary hula hoops around my middle while lying in bed. I’ve bobbed my head and wiggled in my chair while writing and listening to Pandora playing through my ears. I had to be more still as my knee healed, but I couldn’t NOT move.

And so I learned in the past two weeks to embrace stillness and explore what it had to offer me; reflection, silence, patience, gratitude, acceptance and anticipation.  There was suddenly, seemingly more time available to contemplate and practice these experiences.  And while that very much felt true, especially for the first few days after the surgery, it’s really not true. Time does not slow down or speed up, become less than or more than it ever is. It ticks on in the same way it always does; seconds, minutes, hours, days, months, years. Regardless of how we might feel that time can be manipulated. It can’t, but we can manipulate how we use our time.

So I spent (what seemed like a lot of) time thinking about what my life would be like if I couldn’t dance again. Just writing that sentence brings tears to my eyes and squeezes my heart. Remaining still and taking it easy became much easier whenever I contemplated a life, my life, with no dancing in it. What also became easier was finding time for writing and reading which are two things I love doing almost as much as dancing, but I don’t usually make time for. I share these things to emphasize not only how important it is to do what you love, but to do what needs to be done in order for you to continue to do what you love. That’s a lot of words, but it makes sense, yes?

I postponed surgery for years, over two decades actually, hoping it would heal on its own. For a good long while, my body did what it could to adjust, realign and move differently and I’m truly amazed by and incredibly grateful for how hard the body works to take care of itself with no outside intervention. So when the time came when additional support was needed, I said yes to it trusting it would allow me to continue to do what I love with less or no pain.

When I stepped onto the dance floor the other night and thought again of what would it be like if I couldn’t dance, I let the tears flow and welcomed in everything that showed up.  Just being able to show up was enough.  Returning to what I love brought on a familiar feeling of being more at home with myself. Inhabited movement. Embodied presence. Pure ecstasy.

Whatever it is in your life that makes you feel this way or something similar, I hope you always have time for doing what you love. If you don’t, manipulate your life so you can. 

What a sweet return to Beach Dance it will be this Sunday. I can’t think of a better way to celebrate Summer Solstice, the longest day of the year, dancing with twenty five people who will be returning to something they love as well.


{ 1 comment… read it below or add one }

Pattra June 19, 2015 at 10:58 pm

Like you, I am a wiggleworm when listening to music. I can’t sit still. Often, I was the first one out on the dancefloor. I started dancing almost before I mastered walking and I love both dancing & walking, but for the last year or so both have become very difficult for me to do and like you, I tried to heal my needs without surgery. Now that I am willing to finally get my bionic knees, I’ve gained “a shit-load” of weight and need to get my body mass index down for surgery or find a surgeon who will take me as I am. In the meantime, will you dance for both of us and I will look forward to another beach dance! XOXOX p

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